I Just Need A Diary

Picture this. Boy sitting at computer eagerly eating breakfast omelette as he prepares to meet his friend Alex for a bit of winter boot shopping. Boy then glances to the right hand side corner of his computer screen and sees '19/10/2010'.


No. He thinks. Oh no. He thinks again. Oh, Please God, no!


But yes. Oh yes!


Boy has missed his flight to Hamburg thinking today's date was in fact the 18th.


One ' whole new flight, an amended return flight and amended hotel booking' later, all is well except a few Euros down the drain. Blah! 


In light of this happening, I made an oath to buy a diary today.


But. 


This is what I arrived home with.

These Killers.

The joy set before us

It is finished. The last sentence has been read and the final page has been turned. Why is it that we sometimes feel a little lost after pouring over the last words of a much loved book? Especially, one of life-changing content.

Today, within the walls of my darling Sable D'or cafe, I finished the book, the Sacred Romance. It happened so deceivingly due to the large amount of 'nothing pages' at the back consisting of promotional material for other books and a bibliography that owns all others - I thought I had atleast another few days of reading pleasure.

But it is not really over.

Now that I have absorbed and allowed my heart to breathe in the sweetness of beautiful revelation I am determine for the veil to remain lifted and do promise to never forget.

I love how God truly knows us more then we even know ourselves. He knows that after our hearts acknowledge a desire to change or acknowledge the longing to give ourselves even more over to Him, we can simply forget what we have learnt. This scripture is for those too sway-minded like myself.

''Only be careful and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart'' - Deuteronomy 4:9.

So brilliant.

Even the poetic George MacDonald of the year 1880 was fully aware how fleetingly we can separate ourselves from the revelation of the all the joy set before us, as expressed in his Diary of An Old Soul.

In an act of boldness and utter desperation to retain the passion he has for the future and the journey ahead, he confidently cries out to God.

''Were there but some deep, holy spell, whereby

Always  I should remember thee...

Lord, see thou to it, take thou remembrance's load:

Only when I bethink me can I cry;

Remember thou, and prick with love's goad.

When I can no more stir my soul to move,

And life is but the ashes of a fire;

When I can but remember that my heart

Once used to live and love, long and aspire - 

Oh, be thou then the first, the one thou art;

Be thou the calling, before all answering love,

And in me wake, fear, boundless desire''

Like what John Eldridge says in the Sacred Romance that the final burden of remembering all the glimpses of God's beauty, His love for us and the joy set before us, does not rest on us.

Jesus is the 'Author and Perfector of our faith' (Hebrews 12:2).

He placed the desires for romance in our hearts, and compelled us to take this journey and even when we take a side road for the short or long seasons,  he has bound himself to see us through.
He even gives us reminders along the journey's way through ''unwrapped gifts and free surprises'' (Anne Dillard) whether they be in the form of a touching song, a beautiful art work, or the re-acquaintance with a smell that evokes a loving childhood moment.

As I continue to journey, I am sure to share my 'gifts' given to me along the way.

The Road Less Taken

And so it begins. I have set my coordinates for a two year adventure that only God himself has seen and he himself has walked before me. It is a journey; one of inconceivable occurrences, awakenings, disappointments, loneliness, mistakes and glimpses of beauty that make all the hardships worth the strength needed to overcome them. It is journey; a vessel of self discovery where emotion is to be embraced and addictions and false-loves are to be drawn unto the light where a refining takes place.


This time away will be what it is to be. From here, what is needed for the road ahead is remembrance, hope and faith.
Remembrance of what has already been given to me and what treasures I already have stored within. Hope in that the story is good and He is good. Faith to daily seek rest along this road. In doing so, desire and passion remain awake and they will be fuel for road.


I have started re-reading a book called the Sacred Romance by John Eldridge. Eldridge is more famously known for Wild At Heart and Captivated but his earlier work has to be his hidden treasure. It has guided me since arriving in London, and been a teacher and mentor through many a cold London afternoon, with me cooped up in the corner, sipping espresso at the petite French abode, the Sable D'or. I am so glad I broke my rule of not re-reading a book unless it has been five years since I last read it, because it has been this second time that the words have become a life-blood to me and the scriptures used invaluable to where I am at in this wilderness.

So I blame it's influence on my perspective of  life being a road but it seems the best way for my mind to understand my heart!

I found this illustration which I like to imagine shows where I am at in the journey. Mary Kollman's painting 'The Road Less Travelled' is an example of my road to be travelled. It's use of colour truly depicts the emotion of a journey and taking the narrow path - one that on first appearances is not the most appealing. The gloominess of the steel grey landscape and the coldness of the asphalt path create a sense of hardship and bitterness. However, if there were promises of oases along the way and glimpses of beauty that cannot be seen along any other road, could you not take it? One chooses this path, in understanding that the journey is up and down but the destination is good because the one who has walked it before is good. The yellow haze on the horizon strongly signifies this, eluding to the promise of a prized destination, wherever and whenever that may be. It evokes in me a belief that I would rather live a life on beauty and disappointment than one of neutral emotion and effort.

From here on in, I will post things I feel  are reflective of the hopes and mistakes of my own journey. The glimpses of beauty that make it all worthwhile and the things that challenge me to back-peddle in my tracks.

It truly is an exciting thought to be going on a journey, personal wilderness, and it's something that my structured brain, I guess, is learning to love.  With, of course, the daily submission to my heart. There is no formula for this one, just me and the people, places and things I will meet and see!
HERE. I. GO.